I vividly remember the first time I experienced anxiety. I was in ballet class in the 8th grade. I attended a performing arts magnet school and had been practicing a routine by myself while my classmates were doing something (can’t quite remember every detail). The studio/dance room was huge and it was literally surrounded by gigantic windows that were not see through glass, but sun light could still shine bright through them. I remember standing in front of the dance class’ mirrors and seeing nothing but bright light and getting so dizzy. For the very first time I felt out of control, alone and fear crept in. Thinking back, I recalled another incident that shook me. One year earlier a student at my school had just passed away from their appendix rupturing and subconsciously my mind was spinning.

I remember an overwhelming sense of fear gripping my young heart for most of my childhood. My mother is a worrier and tends to freak out often especially if it’s concerning us as her children. It’s no surprise that this temptation generationally tried to find its way in me. I’ve battled most of my young adult years trying to overcome fear and worry. Different medical concerns didn’t make this journey any easier. From extremely painful and heavy menstrual cycles, to chronic fatigue, to digestive stuff, to migraines, to random nausea, my body has played tricks on me… so I thought, but it was actually my mind believing all of satan’s stupid suggestions. With every doctor’s visit came good news that nothing was wrong. Praise God! But still I had no peace. Countless times doctors would say, “Amy are you stressed”, or “Amy I believe it’s anxiety”. I would always answer back with “no, I don’t think so.. could you run this test instead”… I just couldn’t accept that nothing was wrong. This is exactly what doubt does; it robs us of peace.

When I had just graduated college, my doctor spoke to me about possibly considering taking medication to help with anxiety. Over and over I would decline the medicated route because I knew my anxiety wasn’t medically rooted or related. I knew that I was lacking faith. I knew I struggled to relinquish control. That was the root.

So guess what I did? I went on a “google strike”…more like a “google my symptoms strike”. Yep. I sure did sis. Every time I would feel like something was wrong or “off” in my body, I would literally have to deny my fearful flesh so that I would not fall into the urge of google searching a self diagnosis. Instead, in those moments I would pray for God’s surpassing peace that would guard my heart and mind in Christ (Philippians 4: 7). I did this for months straight and eventually, I began to see an increase of faith in God’s word concerning a freedom from anxiety. It took wrestling with the word and perseverance. It took getting open chested with friends who could keep me accountable and pray with me. It took a choice to constantly choose faith over fearful feelings. It took a lot of taking captive thoughts (2 Corinthians 10:5) and a lot of prayer. You know even in all of this, there was one thing I was missing; that one thing was thankfulness.

Let’s go back to Philippians 4: 6 that’s says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

Often times we have the praying part and the petition part down, but we aren’t THANKFUL for our current situation. Unknown to me, I was not thankful for the “good news” doctor reports and chose to doubt instead of shout “Amen”.

One day that changed and on the first day on 2017 I started a new daily routine. I began counting my blessings.. literally! I bought a small note pad and wrote something I was grateful for every single day. This simple act changed my perception and heart completely. I realized that I had nothing to fear and that God truly was near (Philippians 4:5).

One day I just didn’t worry so much. One day I just came to a place of trusting God with the unknown. One day I surprised myself to be honest. God is so faithful!

So why did I choose to fight this way instead of medicate?

It was not that I was opposed to taking medication, because I do recognize that for some people anxiety is a medical condition and I strongly believe that we have to do what is best for us in the moment of crisis according to our unique situations and faith. I believe that if you are unable to function or be at ease and it is affecting you daily from doing things that need to be done or even affecting you as a mother, wife, friend, employee, etc…then yes do your research on whatever you choose and see what needs to be done to help you function. Also look into natural remedies such as essential oils, changing your diet, & exercise/hobbies. For me personally, I knew my root & triggers were fear and s lack of faith, which were taught to me as a young child. I also knew God was telling me to lay fear & control down and pick up my sword to fight (Ephesians 6:13-18). During this time I also began transitioning to a plant-based diet (first I started as pescatarian then vegitarian, then went plant-based) and began doing more of the hobbies I love and enjoy. Whichever route you choose, do so by faith and not fear, and don’t stop depending on the guidance of God. He still wants to journey with you in addition to your method of coping.

After 3 years of walking in victory from anxiety, my husband and I got pregnant and we were expecting our first baby! Pregnancy truly put my progression to the test and it solidified my journey to overcoming. Every moment when I was faced with the common fear of not knowing whether I would miscarry, I had to choose to surrender my baby to God and relinquish control over my womb and body; it was the hardest yet most freeing journey ever. Sometimes I had to call friends and family to cry it out as I would wrestle and other times I had to stop women from telling me their pregnancy stories. I did whatever was necessary to keep my heart and mind guarded.

I had to learn to believe the best, pray instead of worry, be thankful for my pregnancy no matter the outcome, protect my peace from scary/ horror stories from mom/birth blogs, and I had to walk by faith and not by sight. It was the absolute longest 10 months of my life eveeeeer of trusting God in the process. I seriously can’t thank Him enough for bringing me out more refined and more established and rooted in His love and peace. Our precious son belongs to Him and that is the best and safest reality I’ve now joyfully accepted.

Anxiety is real y’all. It was real for the disciples who walked with Jesus 2,000 plus years ago and it’s a real temptation of ours today, especially for women and mothers. Anxiety is something so common, yet often not conversed about it; this is why I wanted to talk about it. I know too many women struggling silently with this tactic of the enemy and I want to see us walking in freedom from such a common struggle, because sis, fear is not from God.

Whether you are one who medicates to help you manage anxiety or one who chooses not to, it makes no difference. We are still called to fight by faith. I want to encourage you to choose what you’re going to believe. Everyday we have the ability to choose to believe the best in all circumstances. Everyday we have the ability to partner with God and rest secured in His loving embrace.

Can I give you some ideas to do?! I pray they help you on your journey as they did for me! Get a journal if you don’t already have one and begin to write down every single thing that worries you in certain moments and bluntly be honest with yourself. Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed. God can’t heal what you don’t choose to reveal. For the longest I was afraid of death because I didn’t understand it and this was one thing I had to take before God many time, and you know what, He took that fear away. Once you make your exhausted list of worries and fears, I want to encourage you to find that one verse that gets you so hype and you’re gonna start working on memorizing that verse so that you can fight faithfully over each of those things. For now on instead of bowing down to fear, you’re gonna fight sis. You’re gonna “it is written (insert your hype verse….” (that particular one that you just love) and start speaking life over your situation. Then sis, get back in your “safety seat” where you are seated in heavenly places with Christ Jesus (Ephesians 2:6) and rest right there.

I lost so many years of peace to inwardly pacing back and forth with fear in my mind.

I accumulated so much medical debt due to not choosing to trust God who is ultimately my Great physician.

I avoided so many new life experiences due to fear and worry.

I don’t want that for you sis. I don’t want you to miss out on God’s best for you due to fear; so as you fight in faith, you better believe I’m fighting with you in prayer.

Here are my champion verses:

“God is within her and she will not fall”.

-Psalm 46:5 NIV

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him,and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes;fear the Lord and shun evil.This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.

-Proverbs 3:5-8 NIV

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

Philippians 4:8-9 NIV

These verse get me so turnt up & LIT!

What I thought would hinder me for my whole life no longer holds me back. Hebrews 12 tells us to throw off EVERYTHING that hinders or entangles off and that is exactly what I started to do. I want that reality for you! I want us walking free of heavy burdens and hinderances whether big or small. I want God’s abundant life for you to be enjoyed. Quit calling yourself anxious; that’s not what God calls you and quit calling your self a victim; you are victorious in Christ. I’m convinced that God is able to grace us to overcome anything that would ever try to derail our faith. Hebrews 11:6 is so convicting and yet so refreshing! It says, “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” Our faith in God to do what He said He can do pleases Him. I want you walking free not just for yourself, but so that your life will be a pleasing expression of love and trust in God.

Cheering you on as you find your way to freedom from anxiety. God is able and He goes before you, He loves you, & He’s never going to leave you. He’s got us sis. Looking forward to hearing some awesome praise reports soon about how you’ve been over(coming) it! Until next time sis!

Be loved abundantly,

-Amy