This is the hardest of all of my blogs to write so far. It’s a very sensitive and devastating hardship a couple that Michael and I are honored to call covenant friends and family in Christ have had to walk through. I so badly wanted to write this blog in such a way that honors their vulnerable hearts. So, Ruby and Jimitri, I pray and hope that in a very simple way I can effectively share your story to those who will read it here. I pray that this blog is one that you can revisit in the future for “faith fuel”. Thank you for being courageous enough to share such a painful part of y’alls journey.

A little background of how we met…

Last August, on the first day of our second and final year as theology degree students, my husband and I met this beautiful couple on campus after morning chapel. That morning I was introduced to Ruby by my prayer partner Debby, as I was walking out to leave campus for the day since I didn’t have a class after chapel. Ruby was so lovely and lively! She briefly explained to me that just a month prior she had laid to rest her sweet 2 year old baby boy who had passed away from leukemia. Suddenly, my heart sunk with sadness. I didn’t know what to say so I was silent. I remember just hugging Ruby and wrestling to find words, so I said very little if that. At this time my son Arrow was only 3 months old and I couldn’t even imagine the pain she was feeling as I held Arrow in our hallway chat that day. I just kept thinking, “how in the world did they have enough faith to move 6 hours away to start school so suddenly?” The only answer is the grace of God.

That morning, I invited Ruby over to our home to hang out while our husbands were in class. From 9am to 5pm we began our journey of getting to know one another as Ruby and her daughter stayed over the whole day! We got well acquainted! We had a mommy play date while eating, talking, and just being women as our little ones played together! Jaleah (her daughter) was just 13 months at the time, so her and Arrow were playing as we just talked and talked and talked. Come to find out, Ruby and I had attended the same exact high school at the same exact time 10 plus years ago and had no idea! And now fast forward 10 years later, God crossed our paths for His kingdom agenda.

That day during lunch, our husbands came home and I made lunch for us all as we continued to fellowship. In that moment, I knew God was doing something so special with our sweet bond that flourished so authentically and effortlessness. At just the right time, God gave this new mommy of a 3 month old the community I needed and he gave this young family who had been mourning the loss of their little one the community and friendship their healing hearts also needed. Ruby and I pretty much did everything together this past year from nap times, to praying & bible study, to library story time, to mall trips, to mentoring teen parents, to cooking, to grocery shopping, to nail shops, to movies and date nights, to family outings and everything in between. Oh how I needed our daily sister/married time; I will forever cherish it. Three months ago when Michael and I moved to begin our journey in the DFW area (5 hours away), my heart was so sad to leave such a consistent and refreshing friendship, but thank God for FaceTime and random trips! Ruby and Jimitri are some of the most humble and devoted disciples I know and I am so honored to do life with such jewels in God’s kingdom. We love y’all!

She’s here!!!! Congrats to their newest bundle of joy! Isn’t she a beauty!! 💕🥰

Last month I asked Ruby and Jimitri if I could interview them and write a blog about their experience with losing their sweet son. The reason why I was so captivated by their story is because since day one of meeting them, they have always been so open with sharing detailed parts of this difficult journey with me and others around them. It has been beautiful to hear touching stories about their son. By this, they have taught me to be a good listener and to allow people to grieve and share memories and also cry at times. I’ve been blessed to have those moments with them and my heart has been immensely impacted forever. This past year I have been able to get to know soooo much about a sweet baby boy I’ll meet one day in heaven named Jimitri Jr. (Deuce). I love little Deuce so much and feel like I’ve been able to meet him through just the way the Greens have shared his life story with me. I pray that those who come across this blog will be touched by the love of the Greens and the legacy of their baby boy Deuce who is now dancing with King Jesus.

A Tribute to Deuce.

Last July (2018), Ruby and Jimitri laid to rest their first born baby and son, Jimitri Jr. aka “Deuce” after his 7 month battle with leukemia. Life since then hasn’t been easy for them, but the Greens continue to trust God in all things.

Here is their interview: (grab some tissue)

What did you feel when you first heard of Deuce’s diagnosis?

Jimitri: “I felt every emotion. I wrote a blog. I felt like he would’ve been healed. I felt like it was just a lesson God was teaching us. Was God listening? I didn’t understand. Later, I began to feel like God was listening, but maybe what we wanted wasn’t going to happen after all. At times I didn’t want to know God anymore. I was so angry. I cried a lot during this time. At times I wanted to die. I was losing hope. I didn’t feel like I was strong enough to go through this. I finally began to surrender once I realized I had no control over the outcome.”

Ruby: “I was shocked at first. I was confused and wondering where did he get it from. I had a lot of questions. When chemo started, it got really hard. At the beginning, I never thought it would take his life. Bad news felt like detours, but not a death sentence. Jaleah was just 6 months and it was so hard being there for both of my little ones. We lived in the hospital for months. There was a time during trying out treatment that nothing was working so they wanted to try Jaleah as a match for a medical need for our son since she had something in her body that could be used to save his life. I was so mad to have to try to put my youngest baby in pain to help my oldest baby. I started to feel let down by God. I kept thinking, “but God we’ve been faithful to You. Why us? There are people who don’t even want their kids and here we are loving ours and this is happening? It’s not fair”. After the doctors did all they could do, we were told to go home and make memories with Deuce. We were so devastated, but still very hopeful. We continued to pray and believed that he could still be healed. We started seeing a naturalist doctor and exhausted a lot of money and time. We tried everything we knew. He started losing weight rapidly and we would rush him back and forth to the hospital in the middle of the night when he’d get a fever. It was so hard.”

How was your faith during this time?

Ruby: “When he passed away, I was so mad. I didn’t want to hear anything. I stopped praying. I went to church, but I didn’t want to be there. With time I began to be more grateful just knowing that my baby was no longer in pain and we had peace knowing that he was in heaven with Jesus for eternity.”

How was marriage during this time?

Both: “While we went through the diagnosis stage, our marriage was really strong. It helped that we communicated about everything. Having the same faith and belief in God made all the difference. Being equally yoked was everything. We stayed on the same page at all times and we made every difficult decision together. Jimitri left his full time job during the time Deuce was in the hospital. Our friends, family and our church supported us with a “Go Fund Me”, which allowed us to focus on our children and marriage and not bills. We moved in with our in-laws and lived between there and the hospital. It was truly a blessing and took extra stress off of us to have the support system we had. We spent a lot of time with one another talking. We even went on some dates. We didn’t hide any emotion from one another and we spoke up when needed.”

When did things get the hardest?

Ruby: “Once Deuce passed away I thought our marriage would split. I just didn’t know how I could go on as a mother and wife. There was one night we had a huge argument and I was so upset. I left Jimitri that evening with Jaleah and went to get a hotel room by myself. I needed a moment to think. I thought about not going back, except for Jaleah. But the next morning after praying, I knew I needed to go back and fight for our marriage. Satan wanted to steal, kill, and destroy our marriage. We had a long talk that next day. We talked about divorce, but we knew that we had to take that option off of the table, because we wanted to honor God. The word of God and commitment were the only reasons why we worked things out. We both had to surrender ourselves and hear what the other person was saying. We both had to be willing to work on ourselves. We both apologized and we’ve not looked back since.”

Did y’all ever blame each other for Deuce’s diagnosis?

Jimitri: ” Not once did we blame each other. I did wonder about what Deuce put in his mouth sometimes like dirt and paint when he’d be playing. But at the end of the day, no one was the blame but satan.”

Ruby: ” I blamed myself at times, because as a stay at home mom, Deuce was always with me. The doctors had told us that his leukemia came from something in the environment, so I often wondered if I had exposed him to something like a certain food, place, or even vaccinations. I wondered a lot.

Who were y’alls main support system?

Both: “Our church family for sure was our greatest blessing. I’m grateful for God’s church. They showed up and out for us all the way through. From start to finish we never had one single need. We even had to turn some meals away, because of the abundance. Our family was also present most times and supported us.”

Did people ever say the wrong thing?

Both: “yes, all of the time. We knew people meant well, but sometimes their words made matters worse… some of the comments were:

“God is going to send your son back”

“I understand your pain”

“I understand what you’re going through”

“You’re young enough to have another baby”

“God will replace him with a new baby”

“All of these comments hurt to hear. There was even a time when a family member didn’t come to the funeral and their reason was because they said they couldn’t handle the sadness. This hurt us because out of all of the people hurting, we were hurting the most and we had to show up no matter what as wounded parents. It felt selfish for people to opt out of coming to be there for us when it mattered the most, and some have not called since then.”

It’s been a year now since Deuce gained his wings. How did that one year mark affect you?

Jimitri: “I reflected that day. It was joyous. I’m convinced that our son will be resurrected one day. That’s the benefit of having faith in Christ. We will see him again!”

Ruby: “That day I tried to have a normal day. I got up and got dressed. I took Jaleah out to play. I gave my mind permission to think about my son that day. I didn’t want to ignore the thought of him. I also cried a lot. I wanted to just hug him. I wondered what he would’ve been like.”

How has this hardship transformed you?

Jimitri: “Pride broke off of my heart. My son was “The son of all sons”. I thought very highly of him and it was prideful of me. God replaced pride with humility and also granted me compassion. ”

Ruby: “I would say the same. I placed him on a pedestal. I loved him more than God at times. It taught me to keep God first even as a parent. I acknowledge God more now and I’m more grateful. I’m excited about future babies. They won’t be Deuce; he will always be my first born and so special to me. My kids will always know about their big brother in heaven.”

What did/do you love most about Deuce?

Jimitri: “his confidence and boldness”!

Ruby: “his energy and personality”!

What would you say to Fathers who may be walking in a similar hardship?

Jimitri: “Always be willing to express your feelings. Don’t be afraid to cry and talk about what’s hurting you. You don’t have to be the strong one. Be present both physically and emotionally. Focus on your family and not just financially providing. If you have to lose a car, job, money, so be it. Lean on God’s word for strength and hope. Meditate on Psalm 1.”

To the mothers:

Ruby: “You don’t have to be in control. Listen to your husband and allow him to lead.

Our future desire:

“One day we want to start a foundation for families going through what we went through. It’ll be a platform to serve others who are hurting by offering hope and prayer.”

Thank you Ruby and Jimitri for sharing your personal story about experiencing God’s goodness even in grief. I honor y’all and appreciate your humility and desire to minister even this area, because not many are able to. I believe that God comforts us so that we can turn around and comfort others. Many will find strength through your personal testimony. Deuce would be so proud of his parents.

It takes a lot of faith in a faithful God to be able to turn to God during grief. God’s grace is truly sufficient and this testimony proves that.

If you have been moved by this and are not a believer, but are curious to learn about Christ, we are here to walk with you on your journey. Also, if you are in need of a living community, I want to get you connected! May God’s love continue to pursue you.

We are praying for those who may be walking through grief/loss of a child or loved one. We pray that you would be reminded of the goodness of God even in your hardship. We pray also that your faith would be strengthen in times of trouble and that you would experience comfort. God is near. Rest in His love and care.

Be loved abundantly.

-Amy Isom

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“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in.” -Psalm 34:18

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“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.” -2 Corinthians‬ ‭1:3-5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33

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