My sin was great, but I played them small, because I didn’t dabble in what had been deemed “the big sin” in our society. I had never gotten drunk before, never had I used any drug or illegal substances, I had never had sex before marriage, and so many other “never have I evers”. Yet even in this,
I was still a broken sinner in need of the saving grace of Jesus so desperately. The thing is this, we just can’t justify ourselves and we can’t weigh our sin against ourselves or others. We cheapen the gift of the cross when we do this and we become proud of our own attempt of righteousness known as “self-righteousness”.

The truth is this, sin is still sin. My greatest sins looked different (not smaller…just different). My struggle in sin was silent, but deadly and they still crucified Christ. They consisted of anger, fits of rage, impurity in thoughts and deeds, pride, zodiac sign enthusiast (which is considered witchcraft by putting faith in something other than God; in my ignorance I had no idea), jealousy, discontentment, gossiping, dishonoring my parents, and all the “small” sins I minimized. The reality is this, sin is never small. My sin killed an innocent man named Jesus.

My sin was so easy for to downplay in pride, because it wasn’t hurting anyone so I thought, but beloved was I wrong. It was hurting me and it was hurting the one who died for me. I could easily hide behind my happy face, because my sin only came came out under pressure and heated moments. Apply pressure and see what sin comes out. You’ll be so surprised what you discover is deeply seated in your soul and needs to be surrounded. When I began to study God’s word with women who loved me enough to go deeper with me, God began to deal with my heart and convicted me to the core. I no longer cared about saving face; I just wanted God’s grace. This was when I stopped concealing my secrets and raw about the icky stuff inside of my heart and I had to resolve that I would no longer live shamefully hidden in broken habits like Adam and Eve did in the garden of Eden. Did this mean I would be prefect? Heck to the no. It just meant that I no longer had to fear shame nor depend on myself for righteous. That was soooo freeing! My righteousness was now from God and not of my own doing.

For the first time repentance made sense to me. I realized that our faith walk was much more than just belief in Jesus, good deeds, and a false idea of perfection, but repentance is a heart posture to resist perfection of the law and to embrace the need of help in order to walk out holiness. I’m so thankful for the Holy Spirit that guides us and that God doesn’t expect us to walk by faith without His help. My goodness I need Him!

Repentance is a beautiful reality if our faith walk. It means to turn away from sin and turn towards God. It’s not a one time thing, but it’s continually. God is such a life giver, but He can’t heal what we choose to conceal nor forgive what you refuse to admit. Admitting that we are a sinner in need of grace, forgiveness and a perfect savior truly is the most humbling realities of our faith walk. Once we can accept our need for grace, we can then be able to grace others who also have fallen short just as ourselves.

I’m so thankful for this journey with Jesus. It’s about transformation and everyday we are evolving more into His original design for us. I’m thankful that His grace met us where we are at and calls us higher from that place. I’m grateful that even when I couldn’t recognize that my ways and my thinking were missing His Mark, He graced me and still used me even in my ignorance at times. I didn’t deserve that kind of grace, but that’s what a gift is. We don’t deserve them and yet we are blessed with them in spite of our imperfection. As I began to mature in Christ, He so graciously showed me more of my error moment by moment so that I could be in His perfect will. This was not to shame me, but to show me a better way of walking.

For the one who feels like they have to be “perfect patty” because of the religious pressure people have placed on you, throw off that heavy weight and grab hold of the grace of God that is big enough to love you through your weakness. No longer will we be those who downplay sin nor praise it. But we will be those who have a biblical and healthy view and understanding of Both sin, yes, and also grace. We have all fallen short of the glory of God and we have no right to puff ourselves us if our sin looks “different” or “smaller” than others around us. We all need the grace of God every single moment of this faith walk and every single day because this flesh wants to make us forfeit our faith.

Be free and lean on the love of God. He longs to love on all parts of you in every stage of your faith walk. Yes, you sin was great, but oh was His grace even greater. Let His love lead you out of sin and when He does, go run hard for His kingdom and never look back. Yes you will stumble, but you will not fall.

Be loved abundantly beloved!

-Amy